Inner Peace is a Bitch

It’s safe to say that this page is in very real danger of being crumbled up and thrown in the trash. Even now the sparseness of the page is rivaled only by the empty gaze with whom I stare blankly in hopes of an epiphany, a revelation, and believing that osmosis is a practical means in which to convey information in word and sentence form. I approach the subject of serenity with an inexplicable hesitancy. Being a regular customer at the International House of Panic I feel more than under qualified to convey any applicable thoughts on the value of serenity. After having made at least three fledgling attempts to write this I sought counsel from my wife lamenting to her of my struggles writing on a topic that I was not currently experiencing. How could I be in a place of inner turbulence and indecision and yet some how write about a calmness of spirit? My wife in a stroke brilliance suggested that that is precisely what I should write about. Why didn’t I think of that? So the more I consider the difficulties of serenity the more I understand.
In one of the apostle Paul’s many letters to the Galatians he outlines what’s known as the fruits of the spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Through out the scriptures we are commanded to bear these spiritual fruits and the third one in is peace. If you’re anything like me this a daunting task, but why is that? Why is serenity so fleeting? Why is the fruit of peace or any of the other fruits so difficult? I think there are 2 reasons.
When we discuss the metaphor of the fruit we are missing a big part of the equation. When we’re examining a picture of a tree and its fruit there is something we’re overlooking. There’s something we’re not considering, something that we can’t see. We often forget that the picture we’re looking at is time lapsed. What do I mean? A tree’s fruit doesn’t grow overnight. If you plant apple seeds it’s going to be quite a while before you grow any apples. A tree must endure a long journey of growth suffering the trials and rigors of the passing seasons before it reaches the harvest all the while being constantly nurtured and cared for. This isn’t a one step process. It’s a growing process that takes time and effort. The reason bearing this fruit isn’t easy is because “bearing” anything isn’t easy. Ask any mother and they will be more than happy to inform you of the agonizing details of the arduously excruciating labor of “bearing” a child. Medically speaking when a woman is in labor it is genuinely a near death experience. The birthing process pushes the human body to its absolute limits. It takes it to the brink of disaster and looms over the edge. It’s not pretty but something beautiful emerges at the end. Stay strong be patient and endure.
The second reason serenity is so eluding is more complex and harder to swallow. Reexamining the fruits of the sprit love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control something stands out to me and it makes me take a much harder look at myself than I’m comfortable with. I recently heard a sermon by Rev. Vince Anderson the co pastor of a church in New York called Revolution. The title of his message was called “My Least Favorite Fruit – Self Control”. I believe the reason being at peace and bearing all the other fruits of the spirit are so trying is because they are all contingent on self control and let’s face it self control is tough just ask anyone who’s ever been on a diet.
In my opinion self control is the fruit upon which all the others are hung. It is through self control that we love our enemies. We have joy despite our sorrows. We are patient through trials and the unknown. When we have self control we show kindness in the face of the unkind and we express goodness in a world consumed by evil and malevolence. We are faithful when fidelity is foreign and it would be easier to turn our backs and walk away. With self control we have the gentleness of a lamb even when being led to the slaughter. And it is through self control that we can speak peace to the storm. There’s a great episode of “Seinfeld” in which Frank Costanza played by Jerry Stiller is advised by his doctor to say “Serenity Now” every time he’s in a situation that puts his blood pressure at risk of rising. The episode found him adversely yelling the expression instead. I see a lot of myself in that, screaming “SERENITY NOW!!!” in a furious fit of rage when I have allowed someone or something to push my buttons. My efforts for inner peace are often futile. In the 12th verse of the Tao Te Ching Lao-tzu writes that “The master observes the world but trusts his inner vision. He allows things to come and go. He prefers what is within to what is without.” In the 26th verse he goes on to say that “To be restless is to lose one’s self-mastery”. One who has self control is not swayed by the wiles of the outside world. A person who has attained self-mastery is rooted and grounded by their inner vision and is not motivated by a world of appearances and sensory data.
Calmness of mind is difficult because self control is difficult but why is it that self control is so difficult? Why is it that this is one of the many things that are easier said then done? Our society has equated self control with self enhancement. Self improvement is a multi million dollar industry lining entire aisles of book stores with books, CDs, and DVDs. Conferences, seminars, retreats you name it they’ve got it. We are never endingly chasing down the dream of “Ten steps to a better you”. Self control is not about self improvement. We have to realize that self improvement is a byproduct of self control not the destination. Self mastery is all about humility. Lao-tzu said “For this reason the sage puts himself last and so ends up ahead.” Matthew 20:16 affirms this when Jesus said that “the last shall be first and the first shall be last”. Self control is selfless. It is a letting go of the “self” and living free of ego. Lao-tzu also said “Serve the needs of others, and all your own needs will be fulfilled. Through selfless action, fulfillment is attained.” We are fulfilled through fulfilling the needs of others. We will never attain peace if we do not bring it to some one else. “The entire law is summed up in a single command: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself’” (Galatians 5:14). The great apostle Paul…McCartney that is, said that “In the end the love you take is equal to the love you make”. You get what you give.
Serenity does not exist with out self control. Peace will not occur with out self mastery. Not one fruit of the spirit will ever be gained unless the tree that bore it first entwined its roots in self control. But above all else we cannot forget the most important fact of all in that a tree does not eat its own fruit. A tree does not produce fruit for its own benefit but for the sustenance of others. Be the tree. Bear the fruit. Feed the hungry. It is your calling, fulfill it.

Beautifully Broken...(An Apologee to All)

I wish I had a clever opening line; something inspiring, something intellectual perhaps even insightful. I wish I could turn a phrase in a wordsmithing anecdotal fashion with an awe struck enthusiasm flipping the lights switches of the mind. I got nothing…but I’m not sure I want to.
I am one to hide behind my words. Building a facade of intellect fooling myself and every one else of what I truly am behind a safety of vocabulary. I bought it. With the best intentions possible I’ve lead myself to believe in a graven image that looks a lot like me. I read a statement once that said God made us in his image and we returned the favor. That’s me…
I’ve recently had a humbling experience. Its funny how sometimes things are clearer at the bottom. It’s strange that we learn far more from a place of brokenness than in any other state. I think that’s way biblically speaking such emphasis is placed on humility and why life seems to have it’s ways of making sure we don’t stay on our pedestal for too long. There’s always something more to learn and the view from the top isn’t always the best perspective.
I was put in a situation that shouldn’t have surprised me but it did. Not the first in the long line of unfairness I should have seen it coming, looking back maybe I did and that perhaps was part of the problem. After all one of the definitions of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. So why was I so shocked when a scenario all too familiar played out just like always, what made it so different this time that I reacted so badly and with such rage and anger and even doubt…in one moment all I thought I had attained was dashed to pieces. I showed my true colors. When the rubber met the road I wasn’t who I said I was. There’s a big difference between words and deeds.
I’ve been making serious and calculated strides to change my bad attitudes. I’m a grudge holder. I’m a resentful bitter person that just can’t seem to learn how to forgive and forget with anyone especially myself that’s probably why I’m writing this now, but I really thought I was getting somewhere. I was changing my perspectives, changing my thinking. Ingesting a continuous stream of positive information and constantly seeking to “let go and let God” as Wayne Dyer would say I couldn’t see through my own bullshit. It’s easy to forget that just because you want to change doesn’t mean that the rest of the world will. My mom in all her wisdom has never neglected to tell me that no matter where you go or what you do people are going to be people. Tom waits said it best when he said "One thing you can say about mankind is there's nothing kind about man." To this lesson there are no better examples then my mother and father. I’ve witnessed them pour themselves entirely with out holding back into all their endeavors. I’ve watched as they have worked endlessly for what they have believed to be right with reckless abandon based only on their love of God and their love of people. I’ve also had to watch as time after time after time people that professed their love for my parents, people that have pledged their allegiance to them have turned their backs on them, hit bellow the belt, and cut them deeper than any blade could ever and walk away without remorse. Were they hurt? Yes. They shed their tears mourned their losses and shook the dust from their feet moving forward in what they know they were called to do. I’ve stood back for years in disbelief holding tightly to a hatred they cast off. I have been a poor pupil and I pray for their forgiveness.
We are often fooled into thinking love is reciprocal. It isn’t. After all unrequited love was “wounded for our transgressions” and “beaten for our iniquities” (Isaiah 53:5). Dexter Alexander said “Love is easy when you’re loved. Do you curse another when you’re alone?” In Matthew 5:46 Jesus said “For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye you?” A few verses before in Matthew 5:44 he said “Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you and persecute you.”
I’ve found much comfort in my ability to quote the right scriptures and say the right things. I’ve found solace in my words. It’s so easy to say “turn the other cheek” it’s a hell of a lot harder to actually do it. In this I am the chief of sinners. I broke this week. I saw the ugliness of my heart. I’ve seen the wretchedness of my soul. I’ve learned much in my brokenness and I seek healing and restoration for my soul and for my heart but I long for my brokenness to remain unmended…
“If I have prophecy and know all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.” ( I Corinthians 13:2)

No Pain...No Gain

I’m an incessant information junky. I am constantly reading, usually at least 2 books at once, and I regularly scour the internet searching for inspiring blogs, intriguing and inquisitive articles or stories, or anything else of an insightful nature that I can stuff into my head. It’s no wonder I have trouble sleeping most nights considering there is constant stream of information fueling my cognitive musings twisting my mind into a state of mental yoga. (Let’s face it physical yoga is just out of the question for me) It’s as if the world is a buffet of data and I’m in a desperate race to appease an insatiable hunger feeding a gluttonous appetite refusing to be filled. It borders on addiction, (HI…my name is Duane and I’m a learn-oholic) I’m always on the hunt for another hit, another fix and my dad has all too happily assumed the role as my dealer.Recently he loaned into my possession a series of CDs by Tony Robbins which I devoured feverously, spinning them continuously and often repeatedly hoping to attain every last drop of insight from them possible. Predominantly listening to them in my truck in route to where ever and often driving past my destination in an effort to avoid ending the flow of informative transference, I managed to transform my meager Nissan Frontier into a rolling Mecca of knowledge, an automotive temple of inspiration, a mobilized crack house of information.(hey… I am an addict).Over the course of listening to these discs one of the countless lessons learned was that of pain and pleasure. These two simple feelings literally dictate every decisive action we undertake. We subconsciously review and weigh out both sides before we do anything. Before we take on any task we automatically begin to think about how much pleasure we would get from this activity, how much pain we would endure to perform it and even how much pain or pleasure we would get by avoiding the task. It is our ultimate motivator. But in any battle of wills there’s always someone who has the home field advantage. There’s always a ringer. “And in this corner the heavy weight champion of the world is…da dada da!! PAIN!” As sad as it may appear it seems that we are far more motivated to avoid pain than to gain pleasure. We will go to great lengths to get around any kind of discomfort. Think about it. How many times have you kept putting something off that you know you really should do but you know the experience is going to be painful on some level? Now think about this how many times have you finally done something just because putting it off had become more painful than actually doing it? Maybe it’s going to the doctor or the dentist, you really don’t want to go but you’re in so much pain that you’d do anything for relief. Maybe it’s a project at work or at school that you give in to at last because you know it’s due tomorrow and the pain you’d experience from showing up with out it done surpasses anything else. Pain has a unique way of getting us out of our comfort zone, off the couch, and into action.C.S. Lewis drove this point home when he said “God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.” We will rise to the occasion face our demons and our fears if we feel enough prodding, if we feel enough pain, or if we feel that we would suffer greater pain from not facing the challenges presented. The universe knows this and will often present to us painful situations in order to help us to grow and to expand. I’ve heard it said that struggle is nature’s way of strengthening. I think in a lot of ways it’s true. If we can allow ourselves to become more and more aware of this we can see when change is imminent and necessary. We can view these difficulties as opportunities to move forward, to excel, and most importantly to learn. There’s something better on the other side. “Weeping may last for a night, but joy comes in the morning” (Psalm 30:5) Sometimes it takes a battle to get a victory and you can be rebuilt, we have the technology, you can be better, faster, stronger. There is a six million dollar man inside you. That’s the real you waiting to emerge. It’s no easy task for a butterfly to break through a cocoon especially after laying dormant for so long but it is that very struggle that gives it the strength to fly facing the world as a new creature.Pain can also be unifying if we allow it. It can cross boundaries and borders we never thought possible and bring the most unlikely of people together. There was no greater sense of patriotism and brotherly love then after the 9/11 attacks. For the first time in a long time we were one. We cried together. We held each other. We were there for one another. We shared each others pain. We are all connected. Some times it takes a tragedy to remind us of that. Mother Teresa said that “If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.” Deepak Chopra agreed when he said “Every object we perceive, every place we find ourselves in, every encounter, every relationship is a symbolic expression of our self.” Learn to see yourself in everyone you meet. See their pain as your own. We are all on this journey together. Saint Anthony of Padua once said “Of what value is learning that does not turn to love?” What you learn along the way and through the pain is of no consequence if you don’t pay it forward. Remember that the struggle is external. Pain does not define you, it’s not who you are but it can help determine who you become.

Injustice For All

Plato said he doesn’t know what justice is but he knows what justice is not. To me that speaks volumes even still today. As I look around I see the immense lack of justice and in it’s vacancy it has become increasingly difficult to define yet the undeniable stirring in the deepest parts of my soul and in every part of my being reaffirms that what I’ve seen is not justice.
Cornell West has been quoted saying “Who wants to be well-adjusted to injustice?” We have all witnessed some gross unfairness; some of us have experienced it first hand actually most of us probably have. We would all leap to answer his question assuming that there is absolutely to explicable way that anyone would want to be adjusted to injustice on any level under any circumstance. Noble indeed but we have been deceived. The word injustice has been used so often and for so many different causes be it political, legal, racial, gender, and so many others that it has become as a tiger de-clawed and sedated. Like a snake with out venom it still has the ability to strike yet can do little more. I’m not saying there are not genuine injustices in each if not all of these areas mentioned but we have slung the term so much that it seems to exist only to propagate a response or to color a speech. In our efforts to fight for justice, to prove and to try to define it have we lost the meaning of what real injustice is?
No one wants to be adjusted to in justice, however that is what true injustice is. Conceding is at the very center of its meaning. Injustice is defined as the opposition to justice as a larger status quo. It is the malfeasance of an entire justice system so much so that the legal status quo represents a systemic failure to serve the cause of justice. Injustice is when a society as a whole accepts the abuse, the neglect, and the unfairness and literally adopts it to its thinking making it part of its norms, saying this is just the way things are. We not only turn a blind eye to the needs of a people but we embrace the incumbent desolation and we do it without remorse. Injustice is the child that will go hungry, orphaned and alone, uneducated and unwanted. Injustice is the village without clean water, families digging through trash, viewing tomorrow with disdain and death as a relief. Injustice is the neighbor hood not far from your home driven through uneasily, writing off its residents. It doesn’t stop there Reinhold Niebuhr said “An irrational society accepts injustice because it does not analyze the pretensions made by the powerful and privileged groups of society. Even that portion of society which suffers most from injustice may hold the power, responsible for it, in reverence.” Injustice is at its most defined when even those who are cast down by it are tolerant of it, welcoming it in the belief that it is acceptable and even ordained and in their suffering they believe that they deserve their fates and that that misfortune is who they are. Injustice is being stripped of your identity and buying into the lie of being less than what you were meant to be.
India operates in a caste system. You have the higher caste with amazing amounts of wealth and influence and you have the lower caste completely engulfed by poverty. The gap between is so wide that it is almost impossible for someone from the lower caste to ever rise above but they account for over 74% of the population. They are clearly the majority yet they have been labeled as worthless, useless, they have even been told that they DON’T HAVE A SOUL and so they are pushed to the side perceiving themselves as useless, unworthy, and unimportant. They have been robbed of their identity. The greatest injustice is being faceless and insignificant.
The desire for significance is one of the most vital needs to our being. It’s no wonder violence has become so predominant in our society. Violence is instant significance. If someone you wouldn’t give the time of day to pulls out a gun and puts it to your head in a split second they have become the most real and important person in your life. They are an undeniable presence. So often we are told how to think, how to feel, how to be. We are told we’re too fat, too thin, too this, too that. We are robbed of our significance and robbed of our identity. The worst part is sometimes we’re the one in the ski mask robbing ourselves of who we are, telling ourselves we’re not good enough, that we’ll never amount to anything, that no one could ever love us and then we believe it to be true. We have forgotten who we are and who we were destined to be and in an effort to remember our significance we have looked down on others causing them to forget who they are and forgetting most of all that we were meant to love, to love with ferocity, to love without any hope or concern for being loved in return. This is the only way we can realign ourselves into our true being. We were made in the very image of God and God is love. Thus we were sculpted in the likeness of LOVE.
We can reclaim our significance; we can take back our true selves by restoring the significance of others. Imagine someone so down trodden being told that the author of the universe and the creator of existence resides within them and after being asleep for an eternity of worthlessness they awaken to find they are significant. And in their awakening we awaken to fully find ourselves. “For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me. Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you? The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.” – Matthew 25:34-40.
Plato may have not known what justice was but as for more me in my opinion justice, true justice will always be LOVE.

God...Make Me an Atheist

I think there is much to be learned fom Atheism. We have all assumed that atheists simply deny the exsitence of "God". But is that the truth? Is that the end of the story? Is that really all there is to it?Maybe the real reason atheism causes so much tension and strife in christian communities is that they are challenging. They are asking questions we're uncomfortable with. They're asking bigger questions than we are, question we're not prepared to answer.Is it really "God" that they deny the existence of? Or is it the "God" that the church has exemplified? Do they reject the thought of an entity supreme and all knowing or is it the "God" that trandionalists and legalism have created and raised up like a brazen calf that they reject? After all the "God" that we profess is contradictory. We speak of his love, yet we judge. We talk of his grace and mercy, we proclaim his freedom and truth, yet we force feed obligatory doctrine and make theology the yard stick by which all are measured.Do they deny "God" or do they deny a god that is no longer applicable to our soceity and lives in the time in which we are in. If that's the case...i want to be an atheist. I beg that i would deny the "God" of my preconceived notions. I long to reject the "God" that i have made him out to be. Let me put away all that my actions have proclaimed him to be and in the midst of my disbeleif truly find "God" himself, all that he really is and all that he has desired for me to so see and know of him. God...make me an aethist.